The Perils of a Non-Wine Diet

No, no, not having wine has been fine - TOTALLY FINE.

I've mentioned before that I have SIBO (aka Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth), which basically means at some point I had one too many bouts of food poisoning/food allergies, and now I have no clue what I should and shouldn't be eating to get better. I've spent the last couple of years dabbling amongst gluten-free, grain-free, dairy-free (EGADS cheese-free) and sugar-free diets. Oh, what a joy it's been!

For the last year, I've been mainly sugar and grain-free, which hasn't been too terrible. Sure, I gave up a lot of bread and desserts, but I still had my honey and my wine, so they were my trusty companions on my life raft of diet isolation. The funny thing was, being a candy/sugar-holic my whole life, I actually started to TASTE things in vegetables that I hadn't before. Now, I'm not going to tell you that suddenly asparagus tasted like Lucky Charms, but I have found veggies to be not as horrific as I once thought. Tea is suddenly less bland! I can stomach the idea of cauliflower! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!

But, unfortunately, as much as I wanted to convince myself that the diet was slowly choking out the SIBO on its own, I had to admit it wasn't quite gone. And swallow my fears to visit the doctor my gastro recommended . . . who just so happens to work at the CENTER FOR INFECTIOUS DISEASE - how's that for reassuring me and motivating me to try the next step? So yeah, I put off going there for ohhhh about 6 months. Maybe a bit longer. C'mon diet, do your magic! Ugh. So eventually I sulked on over to the CID and met a lovely doctor who was completely reasonable and non-panicky and recommended I try both the antibiotic I'd had previous success with combined with another one that MAY OR MAY NOT CAUSE LIVER DAMAGE AND HEARING LOSS. She laughed and said "Ohhh, only if you take it for months, and you'll only be taking it for 2 weeks, no big!" So I got the prescription filled in record time (I was hoping they'd have to take years to fill it) and sat staring at my latest round of antibiotics. And proceeded to put off taking them another 2 months. Hey, I'm a travelin' fiend, alright? I can't be expected to sell comics and travel AND be taking a zillion ear-murdering pills every day!

So I waited until I was going to be at home for a solid 2 weeks. And I decided that in conjunction with the liver/ear slaughtering meds, I should probably give up alcohol for the duration too, just to give it the best chance to work. As much as I was dreading taking the pills (because it's always fun having people make assumptions about you when you're a lady of a certain age being nauseous in public), I was dreading going alcohol free more. Two weeks without my wine! Now I'm just trapped in this boat with my honey!

So here I am, a week in. One more week to go! Will this work?? WHO KNOWS!

Here are some of the things I've discovered so far in not drinking wine:

• I am much more active. Not drinking means I won't go "Oh, I had a glass of wine today, therefore I can't go for a run/bike ride/exercise activity at all".
• A lot of times I feel obligated to drink. Not by any other person, more just in the situation. I used to feel the same way about food before I had any restrictions in my diet. "I CAN eat chips, so I might as well eat chips nonstop at this party" became "I might as well drink wine, since it's not like I can have dessert"
• I'm also more productive. "I can't drink, so I might as well get these pages inked." Not drinking wine = boredom = gettin' shit done.
• I sleep better. Like a ROCK, in fact.

Now, I'm not making this list to tell y'all that I'm going to be giving up wine. Rather, I find it kind of interesting that as with restrictive diets, I've discovered cutting out one or two things for a short duration provides me with perspective and an opportunity to learn how good I can be at flexing my willpower muscles. And it's true when they say that flexing willpower gives you more confidence to conquer other things. Hell, I should've already learned that when I had to give up cheese. If I can do that, I CAN DO ANYTHING. The thing I need to figure out is how to do that without restrictions when (if ever) I'm back to my normal life. How to retain some good habits without being all hardcore about it? I'm like a cheetah in that regard - I'm successful at short bursts. I'm not a monster.

But I did already pass my first test last weekend, when a mistake with the food at my favorite restaurant motivated the manager to BRING US OUT FREE MIMOSAS. My fiancee, who's kindly been having a dry 2 weeks with me, had to take one for the team. Because of course you're offered free, delicious alcohol when you can't have it. Of course.

And thus continues the latest chapter in my ongoing GUT WAR. I'll let you know what happens when I get my wine back.

Wanna read the whole story of my food drama in exciting, whiny installments? Click here!

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Feels Like the First Meal Plan

Hooray, it's my favorite time! Time to figure out a new diet plan, and figure out how to mesh it into my life! Woo hoop!

For those of you who are unfamiliar (you lucky ones) with my diet struggles, you can check out my journey so far by going here. Basically, I have SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth), which I only just discovered last year. No idea how long I've had it for or what initially caused it, although some creepy research out there suggests long years of birth control usage could weaken the gut and make it more possible. Really, contraception? Way to bitch slap me for 16 years of loyalty. So what SIBO does is basically make it hard for your body to absorb the nutrients it needs and forces it to react to certain foods badly in an attempt to keep the bacteria growing. It's disgusting, I'm sorry to put you through its description.

ANYWAY, since SIBO's my new BFF, I've been spending a bit of my life lately trying out various diets, taking repeated breath tests, and visiting a series of nutritionists and gastroentrologists. It hasn't been fun, although it has been weirdly educational (who knew I'm now allergic to cantalope, one of my fave childhood foods?) and definitely opened my eyes to the struggles of the food allergy sufferers out there. Turns out, some people can be just as hostile to a person for avoiding certain foods (diary, soy, gluten) as they were when I first decided to become a vegetarian. It's weird having to defend why you don't eat bread to someone who is clearly offended by the mere idea. Just because I'm not eating the bread doesn't mean YOU DON'T GET TO EAT THE BREAD. I'll be over here with my gluten-free slice of emptiness. I'm fine, leave me alone.

So on to the diets I've been trying. When I first visited my nutritionist, she put me on a gluten/dairy/soy free diet of nightmares that shocked me to my core, since up until that point ALL I was eating was soy, dairy, and gluten (bread, cheese, and fake meat - nectar of the gods!). She even took away my cheese for a time. I don't think I have to describe to you how dark that period of my life was. I immediately lost weight because I had no idea what to eat. Basically, I had to become an adult, try new things, and cook a lot more recipes. Next I moved on to the Low-FODMAPs diet and spent months trying to both make sense of what I could and couldn't eat and explain it to others. It's a lot harder when you suddenly have to keep accessing a spreadsheet on your iPhone of your allowed foods. While on this diet I tried a couple rounds of herb protocols to wipe out the SIBO (which didn't work) and finally an antibiotic for 30 days which started to make me feel like a whole human again. It actually helped, yippee!

. . . But of course it didn't rid me of SIBO entirely. So faced with going back to my FODMAPs-free diet, I started to get angry and frustrated, since it seemed like the diet alone was only making things worse. Breath test after test, herbs or no, the SIBO had been worsening. So why the crap should I keep avoiding apples and pears if it doesn't matter?? I went rogue with my own research (which I don't suggest, especially if you're as awful at research as I am) and discovered some support groups where people told me the only thing which helped them eradicate SIBO was the Specific Carbohydrate Diet, established wayyyy back in the good ol' 1980's. In looking into it, it was simpler, easier to understand, and very much resembled the latest fad Paleo Diet, which meant there was a slew of great recipe blogs and resources out there.

So now, with a whole NEW mess of rules, a new spreadsheet to put on my iphone, and more food fears to tackle (guys, I really hate cooked veggies), I'm ready for GUT WAR PART 3. Do I have any fellow SIBO sufferers out there who want to share their tales of woe? How about SCD-ers? Also, you Paleo people out there - which are your favorite blogs?

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It's a perfectly acceptable food item. It's just not a cupcake.

This weekend I spent time hanging out with darling friends and family. Some of whom were kind enough to navigate the tricksy FODMAPs land (the land in which I currently live) and bring me some gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free cupcakes so I could partake in a fine friend's birthday activities. It was such a sweet gesture, and I so appreciated it. But unfortunately there comes a time . . . when you're on a diet like mine . . . that you realize that what you're eating is not, in fact, a cupcake. It's good, and it's something that was baked and has icing on top and resides in a paper cup . . . But it's not a cupcake. It might be a muffin, or a paperweight. You're not exactly sure. It's even quite good, even though the icing is a little too hard to wash off your fingers. I learned this mistake my last birthday when I attempted to get a gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free birthday cake for my birthday. I was so excited I couldn't believe I could still have birthday cake and eat it too! Half of that sentence ended up being true. I think the problem was that the bakery gave me the option of ordering different types of cake, so I picked yellow cake with chocolate icing. Going in and getting a dark brown cake with toffee icing wouldn't have been so weird if I hadn't been expecting a certain something. The fact that my party guests could stick a fork in said cake and it would take a good 45 minutes to fall out of it ... I'm just saying, much like the vegetarian fake meat manufacturers of the world (I'm looking at you, pepperphony!), the GF/SF/DF baking community might need a bit of rebranding. Let the gluteneers have their stupid cupcakes. I'm sure we could whip up something with almond flour that tastes way better anyway.

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Granola Yums

Sometimes it's hard for me to find good FODMAPs free snacks, so usually I'm stuck downing a handful of almonds when I get hungry. Which isn't the best thing all the time. So behold my amazement when I found a granola that wasn't only delicious and locally made BUT included ingredients I could actually eat!

Check it - the ingredients:

• Organic rolled oats
• Organic unsweetened coconut
• Sunflower seeds
• Organic pumpkin seeds
• Pecans
• Sliced almonds
• Organic brown sugar
• Organic flax seeds
• Expeller-pressed non-GMO canola oil
• Filtered water
• Pure vanilla extract
• Spices

It has been so hard for me to find something like this without honey (which I love, but is a FODMAPs no-no). Hooray for Michele's!

(and yes, I'm going to keep consuming pumpkin spiced things until someone physically forces me to stop)

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Londonness - Traveling on a Crazy Pants Diet

Ah yes. The joys of traveling on a restricted diet.

I knew going into my London trip that this would be an issue, despite all the cool U.K. blogs I'd discovered dealing with my particular food issues (aka the FODMAPs way of life). And then, mere days before taking off, I threw caution to the wind and started taking a daily multi vitamin, which INSTANTLY made me sick until the day of the trip itself. Ah yes, to be at such a wonderful point where a vitamin will make me sick! Luckily my nutritionist came to the rescue at the very last minute and enabled me to get my hands on some of these sweet babies:

Ultimate Aloe powder packets. I'd already been hooked on the Aloe Juice, which was insanely amazing at getting rid of heartburn, nausea, the regular cocktail of stomach maladies I was used to dealing with. But thanks to this travel convenient form, I could safely take it along WITH me on my trip, leading to a much better stomach-on-the-go. Whew.

So since I mentioned yesterday some of the amazing restaurants we discovered right in our hometown for the week of Brixton, I was amazed to find out that several of them just happened to also be gluten-free. Woot! Okay, so one was a happy accident, and one I searched for.

Here's my list of some FODMAPs-friendly, gluten-free places we managed to find:

• WAGfree - featuring breakfast sandwiches, baked goods, and sandwiches. I had a bacon-egg-toast thingie one day, and grabbed a giant loaf of bread with toasted pumpkin seeds on top another. Yum-MY. And even though I went to the one in Brixton, they popped up all over the place during our travels.
• Brick Box- the first time I typed this as Brick Top...

  

  Such a wuvable gangster. Brick BOX was where I managed to find some gluten-free crepes that came in all varieties of sweet and savory. Also located in Brixton Village, and the staff was so friendly they let us squish in for seats next to a couple trying to have a private dinner. Ha HA, take that suckers! Romance can't compete with my gluten-free appetite! Looks like they have multiple venues as well.

• The last place we hit up in Brixton was a vegan cupcake place called Ms. Cupcake. I didn't realize it also had gluten-free offerings until I wandered in and hit the motherload - bars, gummy bears, cookies, and a fine selection of gluten-free cupcakes. SCORE. I loaded up on snacks for the flight back but couldn't help but hork down a GF cupcake while I was at it.
• While visiting the West End Theatre District, we turned the corner from the Leicester Square Underground Station and stumbled upon TONS of restaurants and eateries. Seeing Italian food, though, I figured to hell with it and surrendered. It wasn't until my traveling companion Heather shouted "GLUTEN FREE PIZZA AND PASTA!" before I realized my good fortune. We'd happened upon Bella Italia, and it was mighty tasty.
• Also in/around the West End (or maybe not, I was a tourist after all), and further up near Convent Garden on our way to the British Museum, I'd scouted out a little out of the way place called Da Mario (SURPRISE! Also Italian. Which is part of why I love traveling with Heather - the girl will eat pizza with me anywhere.) It was super cute, the servers were really attentive and fast, and it was clearly THE place to go for lunch during the work week. We got a table before a regular patron could - who's in the know?? They also had a dumb waiter that brought food up from the kitchen to the dining room. Fantastic.
• Last but certainly least was the Ebury Wine Bar, which took only about 2 hours on foot to find. It just so happens in some parts we were wandering through in London that there'd be 12 streets with the same first name of the street but with Avenue, Street, Square, Place, arbitrarily tacked onto the end. So since these were my fabulously detailed directions to the restaurant (the lower portion): So yeah ... me writing down "Ebury" sent us on a wild pub chase for quite some time. BUT! Here's the reason that Heather didn't kill me: on our way to the Ebury Wine Bar we passed many a fine establishment, one of which was called The Orange and full of hoppin' people enjoying great food and drink. So when we finally dragged our feet up to the Wine Bar and the host snubbed us, it wasn't too hard to decide where to go. I made sure to repeatedly remind Heather that if it wasn't for MY directions, we never would've stumbled upon The Orange (okay, and a zillion other places) in the first place. After enough wine she agreed with me. And The Orange, though not particularly gluten-free, was amazing and full of hot, happening people. (I'll dish more about that in the Pub Post!) So ... I'm not saying don't go to the Ebury Wine Bar. But if you do go and they're kind of rude ... there's a kick-ass pub right down the street.

And thus ends my discussion of the gluten-free eats I found that helped me keep to my diet for at least part of the time on my trip. What also helped? CHIPS! The savior of vegans and weirdo dieters alike.

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Londonness - Traveling on a Crazy Pants Diet

Ah yes. The joys of traveling on a restricted diet.

I knew going into my London trip that this would be an issue, despite all the cool U.K. blogs I'd discovered dealing with my particular food issues (aka the FODMAPs way of life). And then, mere days before taking off, I threw caution to the wind and started taking a daily multi vitamin, which INSTANTLY made me sick until the day of the trip itself. Ah yes, to be at such a wonderful point where a vitamin will make me sick! Luckily my nutritionist came to the rescue at the very last minute and enabled me to get my hands on some of these sweet babies:

Ultimate Aloe powder packets. I'd already been hooked on the Aloe Juice, which was insanely amazing at getting rid of heartburn, nausea, the regular cocktail of stomach maladies I was used to dealing with. But thanks to this travel convenient form, I could safely take it along WITH me on my trip, leading to a much better stomach-on-the-go. Whew.

So since I mentioned yesterday some of the amazing restaurants we discovered right in our hometown for the week of Brixton, I was amazed to find out that several of them just happened to also be gluten-free. Woot! Okay, so one was a happy accident, and one I searched for.

Here's my list of some FODMAPs-friendly, gluten-free places we managed to find:

• WAGfree - featuring breakfast sandwiches, baked goods, and sandwiches. I had a bacon-egg-toast thingie one day, and grabbed a giant loaf of bread with toasted pumpkin seeds on top another. Yum-MY. And even though I went to the one in Brixton, they popped up all over the place during our travels.
• Brick Box- the first time I typed this as Brick Top...

  

  Such a wuvable gangster. Brick BOX was where I managed to find some gluten-free crepes that came in all varieties of sweet and savory. Also located in Brixton Village, and the staff was so friendly they let us squish in for seats next to a couple trying to have a private dinner. Ha HA, take that suckers! Romance can't compete with my gluten-free appetite! Looks like they have multiple venues as well.

• The last place we hit up in Brixton was a vegan cupcake place called Ms. Cupcake. I didn't realize it also had gluten-free offerings until I wandered in and hit the motherload - bars, gummy bears, cookies, and a fine selection of gluten-free cupcakes. SCORE. I loaded up on snacks for the flight back but couldn't help but hork down a GF cupcake while I was at it.
• While visiting the West End Theatre District, we turned the corner from the Leicester Square Underground Station and stumbled upon TONS of restaurants and eateries. Seeing Italian food, though, I figured to hell with it and surrendered. It wasn't until my traveling companion Heather shouted "GLUTEN FREE PIZZA AND PASTA!" before I realized my good fortune. We'd happened upon Bella Italia, and it was mighty tasty.
• Also in/around the West End (or maybe not, I was a tourist after all), and further up near Convent Garden on our way to the British Museum, I'd scouted out a little out of the way place called Da Mario (SURPRISE! Also Italian. Which is part of why I love traveling with Heather - the girl will eat pizza with me anywhere.) It was super cute, the servers were really attentive and fast, and it was clearly THE place to go for lunch during the work week. We got a table before a regular patron could - who's in the know?? They also had a dumb waiter that brought food up from the kitchen to the dining room. Fantastic.
• Last but certainly least was the Ebury Wine Bar, which took only about 2 hours on foot to find. It just so happens in some parts we were wandering through in London that there'd be 12 streets with the same first name of the street but with Avenue, Street, Square, Place, arbitrarily tacked onto the end. So since these were my fabulously detailed directions to the restaurant (the lower portion): So yeah ... me writing down "Ebury" sent us on a wild pub chase for quite some time. BUT! Here's the reason that Heather didn't kill me: on our way to the Ebury Wine Bar we passed many a fine establishment, one of which was called The Orange and full of hoppin' people enjoying great food and drink. So when we finally dragged our feet up to the Wine Bar and the host snubbed us, it wasn't too hard to decide where to go. I made sure to repeatedly remind Heather that if it wasn't for MY directions, we never would've stumbled upon The Orange (okay, and a zillion other places) in the first place. After enough wine she agreed with me. And The Orange, though not particularly gluten-free, was amazing and full of hot, happening people. (I'll dish more about that in the Pub Post!) So ... I'm not saying don't go to the Ebury Wine Bar. But if you do go and they're kind of rude ... there's a kick-ass pub right down the street.

And thus ends my discussion of the gluten-free eats I found that helped me keep to my diet for at least part of the time on my trip. What also helped? CHIPS! The savior of vegans and weirdo dieters alike.

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