I Don't Know
/It's been a really dreadful, shit-show of a week and I am more than ready to put a cap on it and wait for more time to pass. In a few weeks, I might be more inclined to talk about it and delve into my feelings, but for a while at least I prefer to drift along, pack activities into my schedule, see as many friend faces as I can, and just push time along. I know time eventually helps, I know it can start to heal things.
Last week I lost an old friend, someone who was a huge influence on my life and came into it at a time when I needed a friend, mentor, and role model more than anything.
I was watching The Big Chill the other day, which is a movie that for whatever reason gives me comfort and hope in the aftermath of bad, depressing things. There was a line said at the funeral scene in the beginning that I keep repeating over and over again in my head. ". . . And I don't know what to do with my anger." When you lose a friend, what do you do with this anger?
Anyway, the purpose of this post is not to elicit sympathy or attention for this loss, but as a quasi-explanation if things seem a bit off around here for a while. I believe grief is a very private thing and I'm only willing to say so much about it, but I also think that when a part of your life is suddenly gone you owe it to them to at least take a moment. And those of you out there who read this blog have always been there for me and commiserated with my misadventures (when I've shared them) and so I wanted to share this too.
I will continue to plow ahead and keep my public face as professional as I can, but I also need this outlet a bit. Thanks so much for reading, and for being out there for me.